Four Types of Weapons you want during a Zombie Outbreak

So, you’ve got zombies meandering about the neighborhood. Maybe there was some kind of viral outbreak. Maybe some voodoo wizard or witch is casting these curses to use the living dead as their personal army at their beck and call. Maybe it’s the apocalypse. Or maybe everyone just watched too much TV and ended up as brain dead zombies as a result. Honestly, I don’t know and don’t care about how the zombies came about. All I care about is how I am going to go around laying the smack down on these shambling corpses. Therefore, it probably would be nice to have several handy weapons lying around in case some zombie ever decided to rear its ugly face over towards your way.

Ah, the sword. An ancient, elegant weapon who’s wielding is a form of art in itself. Graceful, beautiful, and wonderfully perfect for hacking and slashing walking corpses into pieces with. Mind you that doesn’t mean that just about any kind of sword can be used—stabby ones like rapiers are rather useless against zombies. What you want are those truly edged swords which can slash ‘cause really, taking on those zombies with a sword means that you’ll be hacking off limbs and heads. I recommend a katana since these beautiful for swords were pretty much perfectly specifically designed to slice off limbs and heads. Unfortunately, they’re not exactly readily available, so you’re probably going to have to settle with a machete. Rather crude in comparison but hey, it gets the job done. And that’s what matters in the end, really.

I may have written “flamethrower” for the subtitle but really, any kind of fire based weapon goes here: flamethrowers, Molotov cocktails, that sort of stuff. Personally, I’d go with napalm—going against zombies, you can’t go wrong with napalm. But you can’t exactly get a hold of napalm that readily so I guess a homemade flamethrower will have to do. The point is, fire is like, the ideal weapon when fighting hordes of zombies. Its simple mathematics: a lot of fire plus the walking dead equals EYA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!!!!!! *ahem* Sorry, lost myself for a moment there. Anyway, just give the zombies the fire treatment and they’re gonna burn, baby burn!

Firearms would definitely be handy against zombies but depending on the type of gun it might not be all that effective. Handguns would probably be just about useless against living corpses, unless you’re really good at headshots. And trust me, you aren’t. You don’t just want to shoot zombies—you want firepower that will blast them to pieces. Rifles are great at long distance but if you’re going to be taking on zombies, why get up close and personal? That’s why the firearm of choice is the 12-guage shotgun, preferably loaded with shot though slugs will also work fine. Just keep in mind that if you’re going to be up close and personal with your shotgun, it’s gonna get messy. I mean zombie bits everywhere, yiiick!

It’s the ultimate weapon to use against the undead, baby! A straight up 2 x 4 dimensional piece of lumber, perfect for bashing zombie brains so that they don’t eat yours. OK, if a 2 x 4 isn’t available, you could also use a baseball bat and it would be just as effective. But come on, 2 x 4s can be found anywhere. It’s like the most readily available weapon you’ve got when facing off against the undead. And it’s like, really effective. As in, really gets the job done.

So, have any zombies been shambling about in your neighborhood? Is there a possible outbreak of a zombie apocalypse nearby? Not to worry, so long as have these weapons readily available, you’ve got yourself covered.